At night anxiety meets you with restless thoughts that turn into nightmares, only you’re awake for it. It’s waking up tired because your mind didn’t sleep even if your body might have a little bit.
No one is going to understand, “this fear, whether it was rational or irrational, put me down this rabbit hole of doubt and I didn’t get to bed until 2 AM.” And you don’t take off work because the thought of taking off work because you can’t control your mind isn’t socially acceptable.
Anxiety is being the calmest person in the room and deceiving them all. It’s moving through your day with a smile and being happy even though that thing you can’t stop thinking about is breaking your heart causing you so much fear.
Anxiety is when someone texts you and you answer so quickly. It’s apologizing if you didn’t answer and you forgot weeks later. But it’s also analyzing and wondering if someone doesn’t answer you, are they upset? Did you do something wrong? Did you word that okay?
Anxiety is the second, triple and fourth check in emails to make sure it sounds okay because god forbid you send an email with an error or misspelling or send it to everyone inside of a single reply.
Anxiety is practicing over and over again what you are going to say, so you don’t say it wrong.
Anxiety is the scenarios you play in your mind that might never come to life but “what if” prepares you for every scenario of how you will react just in case.
Anxiety is this critical voice that isn’t your friend and just feeds you all these mean negative comments that you start to believe. They tell you everything you didn’t do right, and you begin to believe this fictional narrative like it’s a fact.
And you hear, “Maybe they don’t like me. Maybe they think I’m weird. Maybe I did something wrong.” Then you think about everything, analyzing interactions infinite details wondering what is true and what isn't.
Anxiety is waiting. It always feels like you’re waiting for something bad to happen. The inaccurate conclusions drawn as your mind takes off, and you have no choice but to follow its destructive lead.
Anxiety is apologizing for things that don’t even require the words, ‘I’m sorry.’
Anxiety is self-doubt and a lack of confidence both in yourself and those around you. Anxiety is being hyper-aware of everyone and everything. So much so, you can tell if there’s a shift in someone merely by their tone or word choice. Anxiety is ruining relationships before they even begin.
Anxiety is thinking too much, it’s caring too much. Because the root of people with anxiety is caring.
Anxiety are the friends that constantly say, ‘don’t worry or ‘you’re overthinking this’ or ‘relax.’ It’s friends listening to these conclusions you’ve drawn and not understanding how you got there. But they’re there trying to support you as things go from bad to worse in your mind.
Anxiety is wanting to fix something that isn’t even a problem.
Social anxiety feels like uneasiness at a party because you think all eyes are on you and no one wants you there or you don’t know who to talk to or where to stand or what the hell to even do with your hands.
Anxiety is overcompensating and trying too hard to please people. Anxiety is the fear of failure and striving for perfection. Then beating yourself up when you fall short. It’s trying to exceed people’s expectations even if you’re killing yourself to do so. Anxiety is taking on more than you can handle so that you are distracted and not overthinking something. Anxiety is procrastination because you’re paralyzed with fear of failing so you hold it off.
Anxiety is that voice inside your head saying ‘you’ll fail.’
It’s always needing a schedule or a plan or showing up on time and that red light that kills you on the inside because you fear being late even though you never have before.
Anxiety is the want and the need to control things because it feels like everything within you is outside your control.
But more than anything, anxiety is caring. Because you never want to hurt anyone. You never want to do anything wrong. At the core of who you are, you just want to be accepted. Even if you’re still trying to learn how accept yourself in the process.